Overcoming shyness in dating situations

Shyness can be defined as a nervousness in certain social situations. There are degrees to which most people are shy at times. Most people would admit to nervousness before speaking to large groups of people. When shyness becomes a problem is when people are crippled by shyness when they need to talk with one or two people.

What causes shyness?

Shyness can start in someone’s personality from early childhood. It can have various causes such as bullying from other children and where the child is not helped through this. This leads to a lack of self-esteem which is at the heart of shyness.

Shyness has been increasing in society over the last few years and research suggests that up to half of the population report that they are currently struggling with shyness. So if you are experiencing this right now you are not alone.

So how do we overcome shyness?

The first thing to do is to recognise that we have a problem with it and recognise that it is not normal and that it can be overcome. In the same way that anyone can learn to enjoy a “scary” activity such as rock-climbing or hang-gliding which involves overcoming a certain amount of fear or nervousness it is also possible to overcome the fear of social situations. It is possible to enjoy meeting new people and going to parties, even for a “shy” person.

Secondly, we need to identify the varied causes of our shyness. It will probably help to talk with someone else about your feelings of shyness. Constructive counselling can help if you go into it prepared to make changes to your life. The root cause of shyness is fear of rejection. Whether this means that you fear you will stumble over your words, blush and look foolish or simply fail to impress someone the result is that you fear the other person will reject you. If you can eliminate the fear of rejection you will overcome your shyness.

Secondly, we would advise that unless someone is very guarded emotionally there is always the danger that while dating a non-Christian you could fall in love with them. The risks associated with an emotional attachment could be that the relationship takes a more physical direction than would otherwise be the case if it was with a Christian. Non-Christians have a different expectation from dating and if Christians are not morally strong this may lead them into trouble.

Thirdly, we need to identify the good things that we can share in social situations. If you can go into a social situation armed with self confidence and things to share you will not fear being short of something good to say. God loves us as we are and we need to start doing the same. Ask God to show you His love for you and the way He sees you. We have to overcome fear with the truth of God’s word. Pray and ask God to help you overcome this. The Bible says that God has not given us a “spirit of fear” but one of boldness. Sometimes we have to stir this boldness up in ourselves though.

Fourthly, take practical action to overcome your shyness. By this we mean going into situations that provoke your shyness and remain in them for as long as possible. Make small goals for yourself based on your known perceived shyness triggers. For instance, if your shyness is triggered by the inability to approach someone that you consider attractive make a point of approaching the most attractive person in the room and engaging them in conversation.

All Articles © ChristiansUK.com Christian dating service